Friday 14 June 2013

Rock Hopping

WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader.
YOUR SIGNS OF SUCCESS
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • strong verbs
  • uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)



Rock hopping


I jump. I land it. I slip. Ooch! I landed on my butt. I head over to another rock, then Mr M goes sprinting up beside me and then running up the triangular shape rock. He makes it. I take a run up, I get halfway up the rock then my footing comes loose. I slide down like a sled racing down a mountain. I try again but I slip before I even get up. I skip that rock and head onto the next rock. I climb successfully up a rock. I then jump off and land on another rock and slip up. I find a rock that has holes that looks like stairs in it. I climb it with ease. I get down on my bum and slide down the steep rock. I start to run because Liam called me, I try to figure out where the voice is coming from. 

I end up on a big grassy, mossy rock. I see a little twig and stick  hut. I crawl in through the entrance, Liam says “Sup Josh” and I reply “Sup Liam”. He hands me a stick and says “this is your weapon". He says "roll out" and then he runs out of the hut and throws his stick (Grenade) into the lake. Boom! (Splash) Target hit and he runs back into the hut and says “Take cover.” We hear Mr M calling us in and says have a biscuit and a piece of apple. Liam grabs a biscuit and says “I've got my salami slice (biscuit)". We stumble back to our cars, we are all exhausted. 


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

3 comments:

  1. Sharyn HeibnerSunday, June 16, 2013

    Awesome writing Josh,You captured me instantly with your starting eg: I jump. I land it. I slip. OOCH! You have painted a picture in my head with the amazing describing words you have used. Keep this fantastic writing up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with your Mum, Josh.

    You really make your moment come alive for the reader. Great to see you using the signs of success such as present tense, beginning in he action an short sharp sentences!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow Josh!
    You have written a wonderful piece of writing I love the part where Liam say I have a salame slice, thats my favorite part.

    Great work Josh!!!

    ReplyDelete

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